Today I was called a fascist. I was getting a pack of cigarettes at the gas station up the street. I was standing talking on the phone leaning up against my sweet-sweet ride and an older gentleman in maybe his 60’s decided that would be a good time to get into an argument with me over my bumpersticker. An argument quickly ensued and then ended abruptly with him losing an argument over my first-amendment rights. Here is the basics:
Old man: Hey your bumper sticker is ignorant
Ed G.: Excuse me?
Old man: Your bumper sticker, it makes you look pretty stupid.
Ed G.: Oh it does does it?
Old Man: Yeah, who do you think you are? It’s you people that makes all of them hate people like me!
Ed G.: Oh really, who are you calling “You People”?
Old Man: Ha Ha you’re a funny guy.
Ed G.: If you don’t like it, don’t read it old man.
Old Man.: You know it’s assholes like you that are ruining our country!
Ed. G: Oh really, you got all of that from my bumper sticker? Maybe you should keep walking old man and pick a fight you can win, not one that ends with me holding you down while I wash your mouth out with one of those windshield squeegees.
Old Man: See… See… it always comes to violence with you people! It that always your last resort?
Ed G.: Again who are you calling “You People”?
Old Man: You know what you are?
Ed G.: No, what am I you dirty hippie?
How did he lose the argument? He called me… wait for it… wait for it… a FASCIST! Oh man I just thought that was rich, I started laughing at him and just couldn’t stop. It was a loud argument at a crowded gas station so maybe 20 people were watching. Watching as I laughed so hard I made myself cry. He was so angry and red in the face with veins popping out all over his neck and forehead. Oh man it was funny. Not only is it ignorant and so obviously a fall-back insult for this guy it spurned in me such delight to see him laughed at by the bystanders. I then told him to go “Fuck a tree or something, don’t you have some whales to save or a drum-circle to get to?” It was enjoyed by all and verily they laughed deeply and the bad-man was vanquished to speed home and sniff bike seats. Oh man my stomach still hurts.
So I’ve had this bumper sticker on my car for a few years now and this is the first time something as drastic as that has happened. It was worth it. So you wanna see my bumper sticker that got that old man so flustered? I swear this is mine and I will post a picture of me with it if you don’t believe me. Enjoy.
I am making these available for anyone that wants one. They will be free to servicemen and women as long as they send me a self addressed stamped envelope. I will give you a mailing address if you email me. edgrubermanblog(@)gmailDOTcom